In Book Nine of the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle explains friendship and different facets of friendship. According to Aristotle, a friend is “someone who wishes and does goods to a friend for the friend’s own sake” and “one who spends his time with his friend and makes the same choices [and one who] shares his friend’s distresses and enjoyments” (141). This is import for Aristotle because in order for people to be good and have their friends’ best interests in mind, they must be decent people. Miserable people do not have friends who function the same way as the decent person’s friends. They need friends so they can forget about their problems, but they later are filled with regret for being slightly happy. These people obviously are not meant to have friends since they really do not have their friends’ best interests in mind because they can only think of their own self-loathe.
Which brings up another point Aristotle claims: self love is important for maintaining friendships. Since friends share joys and distresses, miserable people cannot participate in such practices because they do not love themselves; therefore, they do not have the any joys to share. (Even though they would have distresses, they would not share them with friends because the reason they keep friends is to forget their troubles.)
Aristotle explains why friendships are important and just how many friends one should have in chapters nine and ten. He refers to an earlier part of the Nicomachean Ethics when he explains that everyone needs other people in order to be happy. This point is reiterated as he explains that even the person who has all goods and leads a pleasant cannot be happy without friends: “the solitary person’s life is hard, since it is not easy for him to be continuously active all by himself; but in relation to others and in their company” (149). It makes sense because one would expect that people who have everything would need people to share it with. But, Aristotle says close friendships may only be shared with a few people because it is impossible to be very close to so many people.
The most interesting part of Book Nine for me was Aristotle’s take on conflicts in friendships, friends with dissimilar aims, and especially the dissolution of friends. According to Aristotle, if two people are friends, but one friend matures (while the other does not), the friendship must end because they are on two different levels. However, Aristotle claims that the mature friends “must keep some memory of the familiarity they had” (141).
What intrigued me the most (and inspired the title of this blog post) was in chapter three on the dissolution of friendships when Aristotle wrote “friends are most at odds when they are not friends in the way they think they are” (140). I feel as though it has become a social norm for my generation to arbitrarily become “friends” with each other on-line, even people we could meet in person (i.e.: we attend the same school) however, nothing ever comes to be from this friendship because of the way we perceive this friendship. Most people usually do not pay attention to their Facebook friends, and just have them for fun; I think Aristotle would have a major problem with this because it undermines his entire theory of what friendship is.
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing Co., 1999.
Monday, September 28, 2009
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7 comments:
I think Aristotle's requirements and rules for friendship are a bit strict. I mean, miserable people are still people. If having friends will make them happier, then it should be justifiable, so long as they aren't "Debbie-Downers" and their melancholy doesn't transfer onto their friends.
Also, Aristotle says that "the good person must be a self-lover" (147), but isn't the good person supposed to be selfless and disregard personal interest?
I feel that Aristotle could rightly be called an egoist. But, he does say that it has to be expressed in the love of virtue. It is condemned when you are only in it for wealth and power. That type of "self-love" produces conflicts with others. I don't know if we can look at his "egoism" or "self-love" from the modern perspective. Rather I see it that if you can love yourself and still be a good citizen, then it is praiseworthy.
I disagree with a few of Aristotle's views on friendship. I think miserable people can still have friends. It sounds a bit depressing, but can't miserable people befriend other miserable people? Maybe they're miserable because they, for whatever reason, are unable to make friends? If they become friends with other miserable people, maybe having friends will make them all happier. I also disagree with Aristotle when he says that friendships may only be shared with a few people. I think that there are plenty of people are able to stay close to many friends, especially today with things like cell phones, email, and even Facebook.
I have to disagree with Kelly on this one. While miserable people can befriend other miserable people, is it not often the case that these people simply stew in each other's misery? I think that when miserable people get together they simply air their grievances without becoming constructive and attempting to overcome the things that make them miserable in the first place. This just amplifies their original negative feelings and prevents happiness.
You're right. Aristotle would have a problem with the way we think of friendships today, especially in the facebook world. He would probably say that the friendships we have on facebook are examples of friendships of utility. Most of the people I know who have about 700 friends say that they are just networking, and that most of their "friends" are people they have met at work or internships. They have no real interest in ever becoming close to these people, but want to keep them around if they ever need a job or connection of some sort regarding their advancement.
I am not sure that Aristotle would have a problem with how we think of friendship today on the facebook world. I say this because Aristotle believes there to be not one but three types of friendships. So as long as someone is not trying to argue that facebook friends are virtuous friendships, Aristotle would agree that they are a friendship of utility or pleasure. And since he acknowledged the two incomplete friendships during his time, I think he would understand these types of friendships people form over social networks.
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